Running on empty

OK, I’ll be entirely honest with you.
I am straight up dry for inspiration for this article. I have no idea what to write about. I’m completely drawing blanks.
Have you ever had just a great big mental emptiness where you feel like ought to be all sorts of creative, clever, insightful, witty, sharp things? I’m there right now.
What to do, what to do, what to do…
I don’t know what made me think of this right now, but I’m remembering when I took a trip to Albuquerque, New Mexico, with my friend Matt last year for Spring Break. That was a lot of fun. We drove, so it took some 13-plus hours, but we made it in one piece. We did have a nasty run-in with a homeless man, though.
We had stopped to get a drink and hit the can and whatnot in Tucumcari, New Mexico, which is a nice little town on Route 66. We're at a Texaco next to a Holiday Inn, and I went inside, used the bathroom, grabbed a Dr. Pepper and some chips, and headed back out to where Matt was waiting in the truck.
Well, there was this homeless man who had been over at the Holiday Inn asking for a handout or something, but he'd struck out and wandered over to the Texaco. I didn't have any change when he asked me, since I'd just used it paying for my snack. So he sees my Dr. Pepper and my chips and gets all peeved and says "Well, you could afford a drink and some chips, but you can't give a poor old man any change?" I was kinda feeling bad, but all I had was some 20 dollar bills. I'm sorry, but I'm not about to give a homeless man a twenty. So he's getting more ticked off at me and he rears back and kicks me in the shin.
So I guess I got my kick on route 66.
On a completely related subject, I like Hawaiian shirts.
I’ve got a rather impressive collection of Hawaiian shirts. I think it’s numbered into the mid 20’s now. I know it’s big enough that I can wear a different Hawaiian shirt every day for 3 weeks straight without repeating (or doing laundry).
I went into a store back home a few years ago and grabbed a shirt off the rack that I thought looked pretty cool. The tag said it was a 2X, which normally fits me, so I just paid for it and walked out, not thinking anything about it otherwise. I got home and what do you know, doesn’t fit. So I drove back to the store, and somehow on the way my nose started bleeding. I was really prone to nosebleeds back when I was a kid, so I wasn’t too surprised to just have one start up, as unpleasant as it might be. I shoved a napkin into my nostril and went along about my merry way.
So I walk into the department store, bag in hand, bloody rag in nose, and I walk into the women's intimate wear section door, of course... I walked over to one of the service desks where a girl was busily avoiding eye contact with customers and I plopped the bag down in front of her and said I needed to make a return. She acknowledged me and then looked up and actually saw me, nosebleed and all.
Well, her eyes got all wide and she said "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" And I very calmly just said "Just a nosebleed."
She then asked what caused it, and I said "Well, I came in the store over by the lingerie and I guess I just got a little too excited."
Her eyes then got even wider and she said "Are you SERIOUS?"
I replied "You'd better hope I’m not."
Well, that took up some space.
I’m still stumped as to what I could write about. I’m just staring at the screen, beating my head against the keyboard, coming up with things like: yk9nkcfhjy768 906y5312flh76n hjyufmjhcgfru aNJn78kgldos ml;cv iponhjgfv inhj;p, and while that’s fun, it doesn’t really do too much for my chances of a book deal.
What is it about our minds that makes them so astoundingly creative yet so confoundingly stubborn?
Oh, and while I’m thinking of it, Gary Pickle is the most underappreciated artist of our time, or of anytime.
So, back to that… other thing I was talking about… What was it?
Ah, yes! Not knowing what to talk about.
I am still clueless.
I’ve got an idea! I’ll write about not knowing what to write about!

Aaron Rushton is a humor columnist for the Bison and he can be reached at AaronRushton@gmail.com