Holiday Sesason brings mix of pleasure, pain

Well, it is once again upon us. We are now flung head-first into the time of year that is absolutely the most stressful thing we ever have to go through. Our teeth are chattering, our nails are chewed to nubs, our nerves are shot, and it’s all we can do to choke down one more cup of hot chocolate to take the edge off of the tension. We’re up late, we’re tired, our eyes are baggy, we’re irritable, and we snap at people who are, under normal circumstances, considered our close friends.
Merry Christmas.
There aren’t very many times of the year that rank higher than Christmas in my book. September 30 is a pretty cool day, what with it being my birthday and all. On a related note, HU Box 14613.
I like being home for Christmas. I like driving up the driveway and seeing our tree lit up in the window in front of the house. I like coming in to find a fire crackling in the fireplace with our stockings hanging on the mantle. I like going outside on Christmas Eve to watch the crazy family next door shoot off fireworks and then listen to their slightly slurred rendition of “Happy Birthday” to Jesus.
It’s always a nice feeling when I drive home and start seeing all of the Christmas lights up through my hometown. Of course, living in the thriving metropolis of Bon Aqua, Tennessee, right on the northern end of Hickman County (where the people truly live up to the county name), those same Christmas lights are usually still up when I drive home for spring break.
Since I do live in Tennessee, and not in the mountainous part of the state, either, you can probably guess that I don’t get that much snow. It’s a shame, really. I don’t remember having a White Christmas in the past 5 years. But that’s not so bad, honestly. It’s still easy to have winter fun at the house, even if you don’t have any snow. It’s amazing how willing my little cousins are to skip over snowballs and just go straight to throwing whole frozen chickens at each other. Ah, memories.
Christmas is a season for love and gifts and blah blah blah, but you know what I think we’re missing out on? Sheep. Not enough sheep involved in my Christmas season.
I hate to pick on family members… well, OK, no, that’s a dirty rotten lie. I don’t mind it too much, especially when they get me lame-o-la gifts. An aunt of mine who shall remain nameless (she never had a name, she was simply referred to as “girl” until age 21, and then “woman”) once gave me 20 cases of cat food, gave my sister a can opener, and gave my parents a spare key to her house and told us she was going to Key West until February.
I’m always excited for the Christmas movie season. I always like renting old favorites, such as the “Muppet Christmas Carol”, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, and “Miracle on 34th Street”. The theaters are normally filled with a few holiday surprises as well, focusing on movies that remind us of the love we have for our families, like in the recent Ben Affleck movie “Surviving Christmas”. Other movies remind us of the joy we take in the traditions and legends of Christmas, which is what “The Polar Express” focuses on. And no Christmas season can be complete without “Blade: Trinity.” Nothing gets me into the gift-giving and loving mood like seeing Wesley Snipes hack up some vampires. God bless us, every one.
A lot of people complain about the over commercialization of Christmas, which I personally think is a load of hooey. I think that a great deal of people in this country still remember the words of Christ as quoted by the apostle Paul, “It is better to give than to receive,” and to that end, I am willing to bear the terrible burden of doing all the receiving this year, just so all of you can be blessed with the marvelous opportunity to just give until it hurts.
As silly as this article may be, and as silly as this column consistently is, I would like to take a brief moment to be serious.
And now that the moment has passed, I would honestly like to wish a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, your family, and your little dog, too…
Here’s hoping that 2005 beats the stuffing out of 2004. I’ll see you in January, same Big Guy time, same Big Mouth column.
Well, OK, so it will be a little different. I don’t really think I’d be able to keep my loyal fan base if I kept reprinting the same article over and over again.